It’s 11.30pm on a Sunday – do you know where your daughter’s cardigan is? “Kathy (Agatha’s mum)” clearly doesn’t. Caleb’s PE bag only has one shoe. Imogen brought home someone else’s water bottle. Alfie did something hilarious, or at least warranting several crying-laughing emojis, but on reflection seems to be fairly standard behaviour for a five-year-old boy. True, this chat comes into its own ahead of one of the 27 non-uniform days scattered at random across the academic year – at least someone is paying attention. And, sure, we all found Jessica’s misspelling of the name of the afterschool club teacher, Mr Denis, very amusing. But no one outside of his family needs to see Milo H’s self-portrait, which, if you’re being generous, resembles that famously botched Spanish fresco. At least, not at that hour. Just wait until they’re asking for volunteers for the trip to the local potato factory, then suddenly it all goes quiet.
